One. Returns toy gun for Barbie doll.

Two. Asks you to bail out his properties during a game of Monopoly.

Three. Tries to unionize all the kids in story hour.

Four. Uses allowance to start neighborhood squirt gun buyback program.

Five. Rescues dog from in front of oncoming car instead of baby brother.

Six. Wants to buy carbon credits each time he passes gas.

Seven. Fire bombs Little Tikes pedal SUV you got him for his birthday.

Eight. Thinks the Three Little Pigs are neo-facists 1-percenters for not letting big bad wolf in.

Nine. Tells you he is sorry for not eating all his dinner, not picking up all his toys, and for being white.

Ten. Wants to know why Barbie doesn’t come with a removable fetus so she can play abortion.